| Are you engaged in self-defeating and self-sabotaging | | | | particular sneaky, self destructive attitude. That is |
| behavior? Do you tend to end up with a mess when | | | | the attitude of not needing to change. Self |
| things started out so well? I am a big believer in the | | | | improvement is all about change, but, if everything is |
| idea that every action we take is done for reason. | | | | always somebody else's fault, why do I need to |
| 1. What is your payoff? | | | | change? In the victim role, it is poor me, look what |
| What is it that you really get from self-defeating | | | | they have done to me, I couldn't stop it from |
| behaviors and self sabotaging attitudes? Is it negative | | | | happening. Therefore, I will be a perpetual victim and |
| attention? A reason to go back to being miserable | | | | take no action. |
| and avoiding change? Ask yourself What is REALLY | | | | 6. First thought wrong. |
| going on here? | | | | Man, do I hate this one. People who have a habit of |
| 2. Avoid situations that trigger extreme emotional | | | | self sabotaging have got to come to accept that |
| reactions. | | | | they are never upset for the reasons that first come |
| Most people relapse back into old destructive | | | | to mind. First thought wrong. Let's examine the |
| patterns because of their inability to handle emotional | | | | underlying issue. Ask the question of yourself, 'What's |
| stress. Extreme emotional reactions can provoke a | | | | really going on here?' Sometimes we will take those |
| drug or alcohol relapse. If you can't avoid this | | | | negative thoughts and try to make them come true |
| situation, at least try to get a realistic perspective on | | | | by doing something really destructive. We create a |
| it. Ask yourself How important is it really? | | | | self-fulfilling prophesy. |
| 3. Take a look at your past. | | | | 7. We need to change the thoughts we have about |
| Just don't get stuck there. Try to identify where | | | | ourselves. |
| your belief system came from. Once you have | | | | Stop the negative self talk. Start thoroughly and |
| identified where those defeating attitudes came | | | | rigorously questioning where your beliefs and |
| from, let go of them. It is not a bad thing to look at | | | | perceptions are coming from. Don't judge yourself as |
| the past, but not to use it as a predictor of your | | | | you're doing this, become willing to let go of those |
| present or future behavior. | | | | negative thoughts. Put an end to asserting that it is |
| 4. Question your desire to stay in the role of a victim. | | | | OK to be wrong. |
| Again, in recognizing the past, we're not denying that | | | | 8. Are you done suffering yet? |
| bad things have happened to you. Try reclaiming your | | | | Just as this question is a key motivator to move into |
| personal power by reframing your experiences as a | | | | personal change and regain your self esteem, this |
| source of strength. Not everyone has gone through | | | | question is a prime motivator to start changing our |
| what you have and survived. The process of | | | | self-defeating attitudes and actions. Nothing changes |
| personal growth is about regaining self | | | | if nothing changes. How much longer are you willing |
| empowerment. | | | | to keep stepping on your own feet, tripping and |
| 5. Stop blaming people. | | | | falling down? Perhaps it is finally time to stop the |
| Being the victim and blaming others, results in one | | | | suffering and pain. |