| Self-love. Almost makes you feel uncomfortable just | | | | thought: God made you. It wasn't a mistake. |
| reading the phrase, doesn't it? We know we're | | | | 3. Bless your family of origin and move on. If you |
| supposed to be kind and compassionate to others. | | | | happened to have been born into a family where |
| But loving yourself? Isn't that ... well, somehow a little | | | | nurturing was not at the top of the checklist, |
| selfish? | | | | understand that your parents undoubtedly raised you |
| It is. And that's exactly the point. There are times | | | | as best they could with the resources they had |
| when "selfish" can be very, very good. When you're | | | | available. It is natural for a young child to interpret |
| in the midst of a healing crisis ... trying like the dickens | | | | their parents' actions as being "all about them" (see |
| to work your way out of it and back to full, radiant | | | | the previous tip), but that generally isn't so. Your |
| health and wellness ... that's one of the times. | | | | parents' actions are about your parents. If they were |
| One of my regular blog readers recently sent in a | | | | seemingly too critical, too distracted, too strict, or |
| great question: "How can there be so many of us | | | | too lenient, understand that any other person born |
| that don't embrace self love?" What I got out of her | | | | into your family on the same day would have most |
| question was a request for some suggestions on | | | | likely found the same situation. Parenting style often |
| making self-love more accessible. With that in mind, | | | | has more to do with the parents' beliefs and |
| we'll explore a few key tips. | | | | resources and less to do with how an individual child |
| | | | is as a human being. |
| 1. Learn the subtle distinction between self-love and | | | | 4. Make an independent choice about how to |
| self-absorption. In my world, self-love means you | | | | experience your cultural environment. Some cultures |
| care for yourself as you would a beloved other. You | | | | use criticism and fear as a way of controlling the |
| create a nurturing and safe environment for yourself, | | | | minds and spirits of their members. Think of the |
| attend to your physical, emotional, and spiritual needs, | | | | stories you've heard about restrictive fear-based |
| and place yourself in the presence of those who | | | | cults. While you may not have been raised in such an |
| support your highest good. From a place of self-love, | | | | extreme situation, consider that some of the fear |
| you are healthy and balanced enough to allow your | | | | that may have intentionally been cast around you had |
| grace and light flow over onto those around you, | | | | more to do with controlling you than about the truth |
| spreading the joy. Contrast that with self-absorption, | | | | of who you are. You are fine. People who use fear in |
| meaning that in your mind, "it's really all about you." | | | | an attempt to control you are most likely insecure. |
| Not healthy, not balanced, not nurturing, and certainly | | | | Love yourself enough to move yourself to a place of |
| no extra grace for the guy next door. Let's just back | | | | safety and bring more supportive people into your |
| away and forget we mentioned it. | | | | life. |
| 2. Learn how little beings become big ones. You are | | | | While a brief article like this one is by necessity just |
| not the bad one... The developmental psychologist | | | | an introduction, the issue of self-love is critical to your |
| part of me is taking over for a moment. When | | | | health and well-being. You teach other people how to |
| babies are born, their brain development is not | | | | treat you. Until you can treat yourself with |
| complete. Babies can perceive when something really | | | | generosity and compassion, you'll be walking a rough |
| big and important, sometimes even traumatic, occurs. | | | | road. Professional therapists, counselors, clergy |
| They cannot place that event in context. Therefore, | | | | persons, and teachers or coaches are available to |
| when something troubling happens (as it inevitably | | | | support your transition into a healthier state. If you're |
| does), a baby assumes that they are the problem. | | | | struggling to reach a place of self-love, please find |
| That they are bad, or unlovable, or dangerous, or not | | | | someone you trust to support you on your journey. |
| worth the trouble. Not true! Feed your spirit on this | | | | |