| Just as a growing plant turns toward the sun, we are | | | | beyond that suffering. This was my ego speaking, |
| nourished by the sources of light. They are our | | | | my pride. It seems that despite a sense of |
| teachers and our guides; they are intelligent and alive, | | | | connection to God, self-judgment and fear still play a |
| and their words nourish our souls. The guidance we | | | | part in our lives. I have asked my guides to explain |
| find within is more relevant to us than any teaching | | | | why I still have these episodes of terror, and they |
| from a book, so it is to our benefit to get in touch | | | | answer that it is because I am spiritually ambitious: |
| with our own light. The meditation at the end of this | | | | my soul wants me to increase my growth and my |
| chapter will help you do that; but first let's look at | | | | level of sensitivity. While the part of me that suffers |
| the idea of growth and what motivates us to grow. | | | | sees this as cruel, I understand where it is going. Fear |
| The path to growth is never free of obstacles; yet it | | | | is my grain of sand, but I can create the pearl when |
| is in overcoming the hurdles that we achieve our | | | | I meditate, when I open up my inner self, and when |
| growth. The ego would have us believe that | | | | I channel. Other people have similar struggles with |
| achieving growth means never having to suffer any | | | | their own afflictions. My friend Birgitta suffered with |
| more. This might be true in the ultimate sense, when | | | | cancer for years before succumbing to it. Her |
| we become fully enlightened. I admit that I had | | | | struggle with cancer was similar to my struggle with |
| always hoped that by growing, I would move | | | | panic attacks, in that she saw her illness as a spiritual |
| beyond my suffering. However, over the years I've | | | | problem and attempted to deal with it on that level. |
| learned that life is a painful experience even when I'm | | | | Birgitta's cancer was the engine of her growth, her |
| working on myself on a daily basis. On the positive | | | | grain of sand. As a result she learned a great deal |
| side, our sufferings and challenges seem to act like a | | | | about herself and the meaning of her life; she |
| grain of sand in an oyster: as a starting point for a | | | | became a greater light for herself and the people |
| pearl to grow. Seen this way, our problems can | | | | around her. |
| become the starting point for our growth and our | | | | Many people who are drawn to religion or to New |
| maturity. | | | | Age concepts seem to need to overcome some |
| A personal example: In my own life, I have suffered | | | | inner beast. That's because our inner struggle |
| from panic attacks - the engine of my growth, my | | | | compels us to deal with ourselves. If we were |
| grain of sand. For a long time I expected my work | | | | comfortable, we wouldn't need to look inward. In |
| on myself to be my "cure," but what has happened | | | | order to grow, we must take the first steps toward |
| is that, even as I am learning and growing, I have | | | | an awareness of our self and our purpose. Any |
| recurrences of these panic attacks, because there | | | | journey toward the infinite begins within our own |
| are more layers to reach. | | | | heart, because, it is there that we find the doorway |
| Initially I felt a sense of failure over this, as I felt the | | | | to the universe; it is there that we must look when |
| work I had done on myself should have taken me | | | | we first set out on the road to self-discovery. |