| Marriage provides humans a context in which to | | | | allows you to be vulnerable and transparent before |
| closely live, love, and collide. Marital disagreements, | | | | one another. In so doing you can express your |
| misunderstanding, and misinterpretation of meaning | | | | feelings, your recollection of the experience, how you |
| are often the source of much unwanted conflict. | | | | processed the situation, and what it meant to you. |
| How can you sustain love and put out fires before | | | | Meaning differs for all of us. |
| they escalate into an unending feud? | | | | Each of us see and hear things from differing views |
| Fighting is not fun. For sure, making love and not war | | | | based on our upbringing, background, and limited life |
| is by far more rewarding and fulfilling. | | | | experience. As spectators at a sporting event who all |
| Here are 12 irrefutable tips to sustain love, conquer | | | | sit in different places throughout a stadium, we all |
| conflict, and overcome being overwhelmed. | | | | take in different stimuli from an interaction and |
| 1.Keep your cool. Don't react and explode. Though | | | | situation. What one person may see and experience |
| the heat of the moment makes your temper burn | | | | another may not. Neither are right or wrong |
| and bolsters your hostility and willingness to explode, | | | | necessarily. In fact if anything both are right as it |
| harness your emotions and hold back from doing so. | | | | pertains to them individually. |
| You will be glad you did. | | | | Disagreements arise when we try to categorize and |
| 2. Get alone for a while. When you get alone with | | | | make conclusions for matters that we have not |
| yourself, it allows you to see and fully evaluate what | | | | sought the input of others concerning. Under such |
| it is about the interaction and situation that bothers | | | | circumstances, disagreements can be very |
| you the most. Upon assessing the source of your | | | | enlightening and empowering if we will listen and seek |
| displeasure, what pushed you over the edge, and | | | | to gain understanding. |
| why you feel the way you do - you will be able to | | | | 9. Acknowledge and take responsibility for any |
| accurately and honestly deal first with yourself | | | | wrongdoing on your part. The one thing that often |
| before verbally engaging your spouse. | | | | continually hinders reconciliation and conflict resolution |
| Sometimes we have unfinished business related to | | | | is the tendency of individuals to be self-righteous and |
| our own personal insecurities, feelings of inadequacy, | | | | self-absorbed. Self often erects walls behind which to |
| and past failures that surface in situations. If we are | | | | hide. It is when we go into hiding that we neglect and |
| not careful, self-protective feelings of hatred that | | | | refuse to acknowledge our contributory negligence to |
| arise can be projected outwardly on those closest to | | | | incidents occurring in our lives. |
| us as we play the blame game. The truth however is | | | | If we are ever to build bridges relationally and |
| that only you can process your personal pain and | | | | reconcile wholeheartedly, we must acknowledge |
| work through your unfinished business. | | | | things we have said or done that alienated those |
| Knee-jerk reactions and situational interactions that | | | | whom we love. Sadly sometimes those we love the |
| trigger previous painful life experiences do not need | | | | most we treat the worst. Unfortunately it seems |
| to paint the present canvass of your life. Recognize | | | | familiarity breads contempt. |
| them for what they are, but refuse to allow them to | | | | Don't take people for granted - especially not your |
| have any bearing on your present. | | | | spouse. Our generation is prone to divorce and break |
| 3. Formulate what you want to say privately, before | | | | covenant. Therefore be alert and vigilant to show |
| speaking prematurely and presumptuously. Speaking | | | | appreciation to your spouse. Where you have spoken |
| hastily can be horrific and heinous. Be careful to hold | | | | harshly or acted inappropriately be accountable and |
| your tongue before you have thought things through | | | | acknowledge your unkind words and insensitive |
| and assessed the consequences of your | | | | behavior. Let us not be malicious nor malign our |
| communication. You don't want to drive your spouse | | | | marriages by reason of our callous hearts. Seek to be |
| from you. You want to draw your spouse to you. | | | | tender hearted and scrutinize your own words and |
| 4. Let go of the fight to be right. Earnestly work | | | | actions that hinder your marital happiness. Confess |
| toward doing and saying that which is best for the | | | | your wrong doing and reckless words that destroy |
| marriage. Uphold your marriage over that which is | | | | rather than build your marriage. Confession is |
| best for the individual. When your marriage wins, you | | | | cleansing and healing to the soul. Acknowledge your |
| both individually win. When however sides are taken | | | | shortcomings and unkindness, taking full responsibility. |
| and individuals battle for their own agenda, the | | | | 10. Ask for forgiveness and commit to try to do |
| marriage and ultimately both individuals inseparably | | | | better. Once you have seen and acknowledged your |
| suffer. | | | | wrongdoing, be quick to seek forgiveness. Humbly |
| 5. Listen before you speak. As you listen you gather | | | | ask your spouse to forgive and release you from |
| more information. Listening further enables you to | | | | your past insensitivities. Whether or not they do so is |
| realize where you inaccurately sized up the situation | | | | up to them. You however are a free from any guilt |
| and maybe even read it wrongly. What appears to | | | | once you have acknowledged and confessed your |
| be going on based on what we see, is not always | | | | wrongdoing. Thereafter commit to try to do better. |
| the full reality. We must remember we never know | | | | Patiently possess your soul and harness your |
| the inner reality of a person until we quietly and | | | | will-power to do the right thing. |
| genuinely listen to them reveal such wholeheartedly. | | | | 11. Be patient allowing for personal growth. Remain |
| When you listen you learn. Those who don't listen | | | | detached from the initial outcome to the argument or |
| judge and scorn. Self-absorbed and self-righteous | | | | disagreement, realizing that people do change over |
| scorners rarely win friends and influence people. As | | | | time as they become increasingly self-aware and |
| you listen you connect and build a bridge to later | | | | grow in wisdom by reason of experience. We are all |
| communicate your own thoughts and feelings. | | | | creatures of habit. It's hard to teach an old dog new |
| Listening is loving. Do so and you will be loved later in | | | | tricks. Yet even the oldest dog can be retrained if he |
| like manner. | | | | or she experiences enough pain by reason of |
| 6. Hear from the heart and listen attentively. Many | | | | punishment for inappropriate behavior. |
| listen with their ears, but not their heart. Listen with | | | | I'm not saying you should treat or punish your |
| your heart. Focus on your spouse when they are | | | | spouse like a dog. However it must be acknowledged |
| talking. Get fully centered and attentively listen to | | | | the relational strife and turmoil is quite painful. Pain is |
| what they are saying. Show affirming signs that you | | | | not something we gravitate to as people. As you |
| hear them such as nodding your head and leaning | | | | work through your disagreements, resolve your |
| forward. | | | | conflicts, and seek to work together in a more |
| Avoid annoying behavior that would indicate you are | | | | agreeable fashion new behaviors and trends |
| not listening such as sighing deeply with frustration, | | | | pertaining to how you relate and interact with one |
| rolling your eyes, crossing your arms, and tilting your | | | | another will gradually naturally occur. Therefore be |
| head to the side in disgust. Listening is loving when it | | | | patient with one another realizing that people do |
| is done wholeheartedly and non-verbally. As you give | | | | grow, evolve, and change where given time and |
| of yourself to listen, allowing your spouse to be | | | | space to do so. |
| heard, you surely will reap such in return when you | | | | Pray asking the Creator to intervene in your lives to |
| want to be heard. | | | | show you the hidden areas of the heart that need to |
| 7. Empathize with feelings. Feelings arise from our | | | | be brought to the light. Ask God to orchestrate |
| perception of ourselves and others. Sometimes such | | | | situational circumstances to purge and purify |
| feelings have no basis in truth outwardly. Yet our | | | | impurities within that distort and diminish your loving |
| internal world remains a reality. Feelings are intangible | | | | relationship. As this process is sought and waited for, |
| and cannot always be explained. How feelings | | | | be merciful and gracious allowing for personal growth |
| originate, fluctuate, and deviate is not fully known. | | | | regardless of how long it may take to occur. |
| What is known however is that they are very real. | | | | 12. Love unconditionally. Love is patient. Love is kind. |
| Our life experience has much to do with the feelings | | | | Love does not seek its own. You get what you give. |
| we have throughout the journey. | | | | Love is godly and gives. As you give love |
| Therefore it behooves us relationally to acknowledge, | | | | wholeheartedly and unconditionally, you will bring |
| esteem, and honor others feelings. Regardless of our | | | | heaven to earth and show your spouse the depth of |
| inability to understand and manage the feelings of | | | | your commitment. |
| others, we at least should respect and empathize | | | | Unconditional love provides a place of emotional |
| with them. Undoubtedly we all have feelings that | | | | safety in a relationship wherewith personal |
| fluctuate at random according the various stimuli that | | | | improvement and development can be sought |
| affect them. Let us therefore embrace everyone | | | | joyfully. Unconditional love enables us to love people |
| and wholeheartedly honor their feelings despite our | | | | as they are, while giving them time and space to |
| lack of understanding. | | | | become their personal best. This kind of love does |
| You can begin to empathize first with your own | | | | not push, but rather pulls people into their destiny by |
| feelings by being less judgmental and hard on | | | | the chords of loving-kindness and divine grace. Such a |
| yourself. In a day and age in which people are often | | | | love provides one's soul a safe place and gives them |
| known by their performance, occupation, and income | | | | strength to face their darker side and tendencies. |
| potential we must be careful to honor the human | | | | Life is not a destination, but rather a journey. As we |
| being not only the human doing. The sanctity of life | | | | travel together in a loving relationship, let us give |
| must again return to our hearts whereby we can | | | | both safety and strength - safety for the soul and |
| embrace people lovingly and empathize with their | | | | strength to scrutinize one's one character flaws when |
| feelings patiently. | | | | necessary. Let us cover one another with love from |
| 8. Seek to understand and be understood. The | | | | above that covers a multitude of sins and |
| beauty of letting go of the fight to be right is it | | | | strengthens us to try again. |