| Visualize 12 people in a darkened, womb-like room, | | | | I haven't mentioned yet...you can follow along with all |
| screaming, jiggling and shaking, pounding on their | | | | this in my newsletter, "Quickening the Rhythms of |
| lower abdomens with fists. The music and screeching | | | | Change," or check back here for more stories of |
| are excruciatingly loud; the floors vibrate to the beat | | | | what led up to this moment and of course what |
| of tribal drums. | | | | comes afterward. |
| Strange that the only audible sound is that of each | | | | I do feel much clearer about what is mine inside of |
| person's voice ringing and buzzing inside their own | | | | me and what is not mine on the outside. I'm much |
| ears, while the ambient noise of the room opens | | | | more willing to be a bit empty and undefined by |
| spaces deep inside their bones. | | | | what's out there. I don't feel as though I need to |
| That's where I was in January, at a holistic healing | | | | pump myself up creating a false sense of value or |
| course performing some combination of these | | | | cater to my personal illusion. More than that, I don't |
| exercises every morning for three hours, 8 days in a | | | | need to give away my gifts and accomplishments |
| row. It was miraculous. | | | | nor deflate myself for any relationship. |
| Daily I experienced a deeper relationship with myself | | | | Certainly, another heavy veil has been lifted. |
| than each previous day. Through these exercises and | | | | What about you? Even if you aren't planning to |
| more, I accessed and released emotions and states | | | | attend a confrontational workshop, how often do |
| of being that were linked to a fear-ridden operating | | | | you take the time to play detective, going back |
| program that has kept me imprisoned my whole life. | | | | through your patterns to find what really drives you? |
| At one point near the end of the course I was | | | | My Program was sacred ground and the heaviest |
| transported back into my baby body, re-experiencing | | | | anchor I've had to this plane of existence. However |
| the emotions of my life from birth to 6 months--the | | | | dense and painful, it's my comfort zone and |
| neediness and fear, the jealously and greediness of | | | | therefore not so simple to locate and remove. Many |
| infancy. | | | | friends and teachers have gently tugged on my |
| Who thinks this way? | | | | pillows for some time now. |
| Like the cycle of creation, the key features of deep | | | | What is your deepest fear? What are the common |
| healing are awareness, digestion, ownership and | | | | threads woven tightly into your daily experiences, |
| ultimately the destruction of old patterns. Sometimes | | | | every day, all your life? How often do you call in a |
| it happens in a moment; sometimes it involves more | | | | new context or an honest person to kick you in the |
| details and effort. | | | | rear so you can witness yourself from a different |
| Awareness begins as a thought or idea, digestion is | | | | vantage point? |
| about stomaching the resultant emotions, and | | | | Learning to accept the fact that this tapestry exists |
| ownership of these states is experienced in the | | | | makes it easier to see, digest and dissolve. When we |
| lower, physical energy centers. With this sequence | | | | consciously and purposely call up the Program, we |
| and a lot of trust, the Program moves out with | | | | are more able to accept our weaknesses, and all |
| activity in the densest facet of our beings--exercising | | | | weakness revolves around the Program. |
| the physical body. | | | | Do you accept your weaknesses? Do you take |
| And tapping on the delete button was precisely what | | | | action when you get an epiphany? Wouldn't you |
| we did as we pushed our voices, our strength, our | | | | rather do this consciously, by choice rather than by |
| emotional limits and for some, the edges of sanity | | | | apathy or accident? |
| and courage. | | | | I've always been more like a tree pruner than a root |
| My intention was to find and destroy its roots, | | | | digger, yet the Program is definitely the root, residing |
| thereby deleting my Program. The success I created | | | | at the core of who I am. It's not something that just |
| here is the result of first identifying the Program and | | | | happens to shift when the wind blows, nor is it |
| then finding the willingness to risk living without it. | | | | something that washes away with the ebbing tides. |
| Think about this for a moment...risk living without the | | | | We planted it that deeply for a reason. |
| Program...hmmm. | | | | Imagine; private rooms with a view of the rising sun |
| All this coupled with a strong commitment to take | | | | over the red rock mesas of Sedona. It was primarily |
| action and I've come away with a new sense of | | | | a silent course, so our attention rarely ventured |
| ownership--feeling more anchored and present in my | | | | outside our inner terrain except to look at the vistas |
| body; a stronger sense of rootedness and worth; a | | | | and dark night sky filled with stars and the gradually |
| taste of trust that everything I need is right here | | | | waning moon. When the time came to break the |
| within me. | | | | silence, we played as though we'd known each other |
| Is the Program gone? Probably not completely, yet I'll | | | | forever. |
| know if I got the whole root when the next rain | | | | Maybe we just knew ourselves that much better. |
| comes. Am I perfect...absolutely not...there's a lot that | | | | |