| "How can we eliminate the deepest source of | | | | an elephant in the middle of the room! |
| all unsatisfactory experience? Only by cultivating | | | | It is often the case that emotional work requires a |
| certain qualities within our mindstream. Unless we | | | | catalyst because it is not easy to look at ourselves in |
| possess high spiritual qualifications, there is no doubt | | | | an honest way in the normal course of events due |
| that events life throws upon us will give rise to | | | | to the walls we place around ourselves, especially as |
| frustration, emotional turmoil, and other distorted | | | | we go on hiding ourselves from ourselves. But finally, |
| states of consciousness. These imperfect states of | | | | there comes a point when the game's up. So at a |
| mind in turn give rise to imperfect activities, and the | | | | certain point in our life, a trigger may present itself |
| seeds of suffering are ever planted in a steady flow. | | | | that will take us out of our comfort zone. The trigger |
| On the other hand, when the mind can dwell in | | | | may be many and varied - loss of some kind, |
| wisdom that knows the ultimate mode of being, one | | | | bereavement, mounting stress, illness, redundancy, |
| is able to destroy the deepest root of distortion, | | | | addictive patterns becoming worse, a sudden change |
| negative karma, and sorrow." - From The Path To | | | | in our lives, or simply a weariness or low-lying |
| Enlightenment by His Holiness the Dalai Lama | | | | depression. The pain that we feel at these times is a |
| What are these spiritual qualifications that His Holiness | | | | message from our heart asking us to shift our |
| the Dalai Lama refers to? This article will focus on | | | | thinking and beliefs. We ignore this message to our |
| emotional healing as this is the starting point for | | | | detriment. The breeze of truth is knocking on the |
| revealing these spiritual qualifications. So let's take a | | | | door. This truly is a blessing! |
| close look at what it means to heal emotionally. | | | | But better than waiting for such a catalyst we can |
| What is emotional healing? It is a painful process that | | | | also feed our own natural curiosity and with intent |
| leads to peace, happiness and self-knowledge. | | | | can become more conscious. |
| Self-knowledge leads to liberation. It is painful, | | | | So what is ‘the process' for emotional healing? |
| because only painful emotions need to be healed. | | | | It is quite simply to feel the pain. To sink into it. For |
| True happiness does not need releasing! But true | | | | women, it's a bit like labour pains when they tell you |
| happiness remains un-experienced as long as there is | | | | to just let the pain come. This is the key in the |
| an escape from pain. It is the healing of buried pain | | | | pocket. Also, the pain is felt in the body, our faithful |
| that allows happiness and joy to start to make a | | | | mirror, and we can now look at where exactly it is in |
| true entrance into our lives. This is because only | | | | the body. Perhaps it is in the chest area, or maybe |
| through self-acceptance can we really move forward | | | | the belly. Our body can show us much more about |
| in our lives. | | | | ourselves if we listen to it and it doesn't lie. For |
| The word pain is used here to cover the whole | | | | example, cancer patients who have ridden |
| gamut of emotions, negative thinking and blockages, | | | | themselves of cancer have, in the process of healing, |
| including sadness, grief, loneliness, hurt, fear, anger, | | | | usually had to look within themselves at the negative |
| guilt, judgment, betrayal, hatred, jealousy, envy and | | | | emotions they have been holding onto, and release |
| so on. | | | | them. |
| Emotional pain can be described as frozen feelings, | | | | It is often beneficial if the origin of the painful |
| stored in our body and memory, that lead to | | | | memories can be remembered but this is not |
| suffering. The suffering we experience may or may | | | | essential. Even if you can't remember the exact |
| not be openly acknowledged to ourselves or not. | | | | circumstances or conditions at the time of the pain |
| When we suffer due to some negative emotion, if | | | | being created inside you, the emotion itself is still |
| this is not acknowledged, the emotion gets lodged in | | | | stored and this can be felt. Energy never disappears, |
| us and remains there and thus the ‘see3ds of | | | | especially where there is much emotional charge. |
| suffering' are planted. Suffering is self-generated. No | | | | Where does the anguish or anger come from? What |
| pain can be given to us from the outside. It is not | | | | are the beliefs you hold about yourself concerning |
| the event but the thoughts we project onto | | | | this situation? Usually at the base of pain is a |
| ourselves and others about the event that create | | | | closely-guarded belief about ourselves, something we |
| suffering. | | | | do not care to admit to easily. A feeling of |
| At some level we obviously enjoy our suffering. It's | | | | unworthiness, not being good enough or some |
| obvious because otherwise we wouldn't be this way. | | | | negative self-belief. Stating this belief in one sentence |
| After all, don't most of us consider ourselves to be | | | | is often a good way of pin-pointing it. When we find |
| knowledgeable, clever, in control and aware? But | | | | the limiting belief, we will usually feel deep emotion |
| despite all these attributes people constantly find | | | | arise, and the tears need to be allowed as they arise. |
| themselves facing the same patterns, the same | | | | Fear not! Tears and suffering are finite. |
| scenarios and the same problems time and time | | | | Whatever the circumstances, we ultimately created |
| again. It's like we lock ourselves into the prison of | | | | our own pain alone, and we must deal with it alone. |
| our own suffering, throw away the key and then | | | | Whether someone else is present when we go |
| complain when we ‘can't' open the door; yet the | | | | through this is our choice – and it can certainly be |
| key is in our own pocket all along. You might say that | | | | very beneficial eg a therapist, holistic practitioner or |
| this is a rather harsh view, and it perhaps seems so | | | | trusted friend - but no one can feel the pain for us |
| on the surface. The point is that it's not about | | | | and or take responsibility for it, other than us. This |
| eradicating suffering, for this is part of life, but of | | | | work is done alone ultimately. However there are |
| acknowledging it for what it is. Calling a spade a | | | | many tools and techniques that can help us with this |
| spade. And not lawnmower. | | | | work, eg Hypnotherapy, Counselling, Core Energetics, |
| In order to understand why individuals are responsible | | | | EFT, Spiritual Healing and much more. |
| for their own suffering let's enquire more deeply into | | | | For men, it is often harder to allow themselves to |
| the subject. | | | | admit to and feel deep pain, and to weep. But this is |
| The majority of us have emotions stemming from | | | | a huge release. Feeling the pain is necessary if healing |
| our past, mostly with their origins in childhood. Given | | | | is to occur, regardless of whether you're a man or |
| the society we live in, these emotions are difficult for | | | | woman. Ultimately the gender divide is immaterial. It is |
| us to express. We learn from a young age to keep | | | | time for men to allow balance between the male and |
| them hidden inside us, since everyone else is doing | | | | female energies within them. Just because you're a |
| the same. We watch others: our parents, siblings, | | | | man, it doesn't mean you're not sensitive. Sensitivity |
| other family members, friends as well as people in | | | | is the birthright of both genders. Have you seen how |
| general. We notice that they suppress their emotions | | | | sensitive babies are, both girls and boys? It's just |
| and try to always appear in control. Seeing our | | | | adults who have formed walls around their heart. |
| closest loved ones withholding their emotions from us | | | | Now the heart is gasping for air. |
| – as well as thereby withholding their expressions | | | | Healing ourselves is an allowing of whatever |
| of love – may even lead to deep issues of | | | | memories and thoughts arise without resistance. It's |
| co-dependency. These patterns do not shift easily as | | | | the resistance to what is arising that turns pain into |
| one get older, rather become more and more | | | | suffering. Resisting anything in life causes some level |
| entrenched. Wisdom is not an automatic given of | | | | of suffering. We've heard the expression, |
| ageing! Or maybe as a child we did show our | | | | ‘what you resist persists.' So there is simply no |
| emotions but got hurt in the process, so we decided | | | | deeper way to heal than to allow pain to surface |
| at a subconscious level to hide our feelings, for fear | | | | whenever it shows up. But be careful not to resist |
| of being hurt again. This is all very understandable | | | | the resistance! Even this must be allowed. |
| and an aspect of the human condition as it is at | | | | When we are real with ourselves, there is a great |
| present. But this is not the road to joy and peace. | | | | release and freeing up that takes place. This is |
| For pain can't be eradicated by the suppression of it. | | | | because we are no longer the same person anymore. |
| And happiness can't be attained through pretense | | | | We are still who we always were, but now, without |
| (the mind projecting a self-image of ‘I am | | | | the burden of that pain. J Krishnamurti said, "Pain |
| happy.') | | | | itself destroys pain. Suffering itself frees man from |
| John Pierrakos, MD, one of the first psychiatrists to | | | | suffering." This is because in feeling our pain purely, |
| bridge medicine with spirituality, said, "Negative | | | | without resistance, it is released and is no more pain, |
| emotion will emerge in devious ways when it is | | | | but rather freedom. It's the freedom of being |
| denied recognition." Thus, if we wish to live a true, | | | | liberated into the full-feeling, authentic human beings |
| fulfilled life, suppression is not an option. Moreover, | | | | that we really are. |
| John Pierrakos also said, "If we close off negative | | | | The act of self-healing is an act of self-love. And love |
| feelings, we stop our creative process." Thus the | | | | truly is the transformative power. Self-love is the |
| suppression of emotions leads to dull lives, lacking in | | | | starting point. How can we love another when we |
| vitality and free expression; and moreover, keeps us | | | | have little idea how to love ourselves? How can we |
| starved of real love, given and received. | | | | love ourselves when we deny ourselves due to |
| Over time, we come to believe our cover-ups and to | | | | feelings of shame, insecurity or guilt? Loving oneself |
| buy into our own story of self-control believing we're | | | | is like nurturing a brand new baby. It's a nice analogy. |
| ‘fine'. Our emotional life becomes more and more | | | | As a loving parent would you want your baby to |
| hidden. Sometimes, when we do feel real feeling | | | | suppress its needs and suffer silently or would you |
| – maybe when we watch a film that moves us, | | | | want your baby to express its needs and have these |
| or feel touched by someone's act of kindness or due | | | | met? Uncannily, we may see that it is the nakedness |
| to a painful experience in our lives – we may | | | | of love that really terrifies us. Love terrifies us much |
| allow real emotion to surface for a short while, but | | | | more than fear. We are not used to love in its |
| we are mostly still unable to fully express it. The foot | | | | tenderness. But there is ultimately no other option. |
| is quickly back on the break pedal. Our habitual | | | | We are here to learn the lesson of love. |
| suppression kicks in automatically. We have trained | | | | The understanding and empathy that come from |
| ourselves well! And thus, as we go through life, with | | | | being more gentle with ourselves enables us to be |
| all the stresses and demands upon us, we may | | | | gentler towards others. In learning to love ourselves, |
| sometimes feel anguished and confused, but we are | | | | we learn what it means to forgive ourselves. |
| inept at expressing what really lies within us. As we | | | | Forgiveness is deeply healing. It allows a softening in |
| lose connection with our own feeling center, we may | | | | the place where we were stuck and hardened. |
| even be unaware of what our true feelings are, since | | | | Once we do such release work, the sensation or |
| denial becomes the new reality during this | | | | experience we may feel is that a fog has lifted from |
| suppression process. But denial is a painful game we | | | | in front of our eyes, yet only now do we know this |
| play with ourselves, and if we are honest with | | | | fog was ever there. A sense of surprise that the |
| ourselves, we can sense this dichotomy in us, a | | | | problem was a problem in the first place. Our eyes |
| fragmentation, an inner conflict. We may have a | | | | see as if for the first time. We lighten up. Phew! A |
| niggling sense that we haven't turned out to be the | | | | heavy weight lifts. We begin to let go of our |
| quite the person we thought we would be, or that | | | | addiction to pain and suffering, for it is that: an |
| life has somehow been harder than expected or that | | | | addiction. It is what we are used to. We may finally |
| the quality of happiness we hoped for ourselves | | | | see that shocking events only exist to shock us into |
| hasn't manifested. | | | | awakening to the truth of life. And what is the truth |
| Eckhart Tolle, in the Power of Now, says: "The best | | | | exactly? It is that all our emotions and pain are not |
| indicator of your level of consciousness is how you | | | | real. If they were we could not shed them, or heal |
| deal with life's challenges when they come. Through | | | | them. For what is real does not require shedding, it |
| those challenges, an already unconscious person | | | | simply is. The truth is that we are complete and |
| tends to become more deeply unconscious. You can | | | | whole as we are, and this real Self requires no |
| use a challenge to awaken you, or you can allow it to | | | | healing. All the events and situations that arise that |
| pull you into even deeper sleep. The dream of | | | | challenge us are for the purpose of unveiling the real |
| ordinary unconsciousness then turns into a nightmare." | | | | Self, where we finally find peace and rest. |
| This nightmare is one that most of us believe to be | | | | The reason that the release of hidden pain provides |
| normal life. But real life is not this. If we open our | | | | such relief is that we feel a rare moment of existing |
| eyes we will see the vast dichotomy between the | | | | in the Now, of being present to ourselves. This is a |
| quality of our inner experience and what we think or | | | | profound experience, for it is only in being present to |
| prefer to believe is our experience. This game that | | | | ‘what is' that we can truly experience ourselves |
| we constantly play with ourselves – a game that | | | | as real. |
| takes a serious toll eventually – is called ego. The | | | | Pain cannot exist except in our minds, our closely |
| ego - or personality - has a lot invested in our | | | | guarded memories, and the beliefs we hold about |
| delusional patterns and keeping us this way. | | | | ourselves and others. These are simply a protection |
| If we can allow ourselves to become aware of this | | | | mechanism for fears that do not exist in reality. |
| inner confusion and sense of dissatisfaction, then we | | | | Ultimately all pain and suffering are an illusion – |
| have a chance to heal. If we remain unconscious to | | | | hard as this may be for the mind to accept. How we |
| the world of emotions, life will continue on an | | | | know fear doesn't exist in reality is because in those |
| unconscious path, a veritable battle to keep at bay | | | | beautiful, alive moments when we are wholly present |
| what needs to come to the fore in order for us to | | | | to what is, we feel freedom and lightness. There is |
| become more whole. If we are truly honest with | | | | no fear then. |
| ourselves, we know that in our daily lives there are | | | | |
| many instances of conflict or some negative emotion. | | | | And what does life look like without undue suffering? |
| But due to our inability to assimilate such emotions, | | | | David Spero, a great spiritual teacher based in |
| we shy away from admitting this. The disease of the | | | | California, says, "The more profoundly we go into our |
| human condition to deny what is so and believe what | | | | emotional states, going deep into the fabric of our |
| we want to believe, lies at the heart of our own | | | | emotional life (that which is true for us) and release |
| self-generated suffering. But the energy expended | | | | that which has been put there through some form of |
| in keeping emotions at an arm's length may as well | | | | abuse or some form of betrayal – working |
| be used to deal with these emotions because one | | | | through that you begin to feel naturally what you |
| day we'll make that choice anyway. Finally we may | | | | feel in an unhurt state." Fundamentally, we are all |
| say ‘enough is enough, I need to change'. In the | | | | innately happy and peaceful. |
| end, whether now, in ten years, at the point of | | | | |
| death, or beyond, our heart will feel the call to finally | | | | Sri Ramana Maharshi (1879 – 1950), the Indian |
| soften. But why wait? Why accumulate more | | | | sage who attained enlightenment at the age of 16, |
| ‘stuff'? Why deny? There is much healing to be | | | | said: "Happiness is your nature. It is not wrong to |
| done on this planet. It creaks heavily with the pain | | | | desire it. What is wrong is seeking it outside when it |
| and suffering that its people are holding on to | | | | is inside." |
| everyday. | | | | |
| If, individually, we are willing to allow our perspective | | | | To unveil this state of happiness we must first look |
| to shift with regard to our beliefs about ourselves | | | | at its distortions. We can only discover it by going |
| and take a step back from our fears, then we are | | | | into and through the level of guilt and negativity we |
| half-way there. What we then have is a | | | | carry inside. This allows the moment to be |
| transformational opportunity that the release of | | | | experienced unresisted. Then sorrow is transcended |
| emotions presents. In fact without it, growth – | | | | and our own innate joyful nature allowed to surface. |
| emotional, mental and spiritual - is impossible. When | | | | And in being true to our real Self, we experience |
| there's an elephant in the middle of the room, there's | | | | deep satisfaction. Finally, we are home. |