| It's over. The rage and fury, the blame and shame, | | | | overstimulation, physiological dysfunction, and |
| the sleepless nights and depression no longer are part | | | | countless physical symptoms. Naturally we are drawn |
| of our days. The papers are signed. The divorce is | | | | to avoiding more stimulation. So we retreat to our |
| over. That door is closed behind us and we begin our | | | | homes or places of safety. Listening to that part of |
| new journey. | | | | us that needs to withdraw is a wonderful first step |
| The months following divorce are almost eerie. I recall | | | | to healing. It's a time to catch our breath before |
| feeling like a war had ended. I could almost see the | | | | moving forward. |
| smoke of the dying fires enveloping the landscape of | | | | This is a time to assess the damage and evaluate |
| my home. There was destruction everywhere: my | | | | our emotional and physical health. It is a good time to |
| kids were hurt, my finances were uncertain, my mind | | | | make an appointment with the therapist, doctor, |
| and body were exhausted, the boxes of financial | | | | chiropractor or other healers to help with any |
| papers and "evidence" were moved from the | | | | dis-eases we had developed. Getting back to healthy |
| lawyer's office to my dining room table. I took the | | | | eating, sleeping and exercise will contribute to our |
| lawyer's number off the speed dial. I looked around | | | | overall health and recovery. This is a particularly good |
| at the pieces of recent life: the notebooks, friends | | | | time to sleep and rest to bring relief to the emotional |
| numbers posted nearby in case of emergency, boxes | | | | and physical exhaustion. |
| of the ex's stuff stacked in a corner ready for | | | | A cocoon of stillness is a place to remember what |
| Goodwill, dishes in the sink still untended from the last | | | | peace looks like. Revisiting the things that brought |
| weekend, the bed unmade because I had to rush to | | | | joy prior to the divorce--gardening, playing music, |
| the courtroom and was too nervous to tend to it. | | | | reading, building a fire in the fireplace, walking in |
| The phone is not ringing off the hook from friends | | | | nature--now seem like new hobbies, experienced in a |
| and family checking in anymore. There is a | | | | different way than before. They feel like old friends, |
| conspicuous dent in the third finger where my ring | | | | and yet there is something different about it; our |
| used to sit. | | | | perception has changed. We begin to see little |
| It's over now. The war has ended. But where is the | | | | glimpses of ourselves again in the occasional |
| peace? And where does all this leave me? | | | | moments of drying a dish or turning the page of a |
| There is no rush to do anything following the days, | | | | book. We catch our minds quieting, our thoughts |
| or even months, after divorce. The boxes and | | | | more focused, the feeling of anxiety that was a |
| papers wait. Changing the name on the mailbox or | | | | pervasive companion, is lifting. We can breathe a bit |
| the utility bill isn't immediately imperative. We don't | | | | deeper. |
| have to check out the online dating sites, nor do we | | | | Meditation helps quiet the chatter, helps us find that |
| have to make changes to our appearance, jobs or | | | | solid inner core again. Simply breathing deeply for a |
| relationships. We don't have to decide today what | | | | few minutes while you are focused on something |
| our lives are going to look like as a single adult. | | | | peaceful, like a tree, is good enough until you can |
| Nothing is going anywhere, it will all be there for us | | | | build back up to the discipline of meditation. I used to |
| when we are ready to deal with it. Give it time. | | | | chant (to myself) while walking my dogs. I chose this |
| Healing is not an overnight process. You will have all | | | | Sanskrit invocation: "Lokah Samastah Sukhino |
| your answers in time. | | | | Bhavantu". It means "May all the beings in all the |
| This is a time to just be. Divorce is one of the most | | | | worlds become happy". I didn't really care about the |
| traumatizing things we'll ever go through. Our goal is | | | | world at that time, I cared about me. I repeated that |
| to heal, and we will. But first we must take the time | | | | chant over and over with the intention of bringing |
| to breathe. Our emotional balance was pushed off | | | | joy and peace to all parts of me, all my cells, my |
| center a long time ago. It's time to begin creating the | | | | breath, my thoughts. It helped that the chant was in |
| time and space to find that balance again. We need | | | | a different language. I didn't even have to think the |
| to nurture ourselves in a way that will bring us | | | | words. I just repeated them and eventually felt their |
| glimpses of who we are at our core again. From that | | | | magic working inside my body. It was a lovely |
| solid center, from that deep but absolute place of | | | | practice that I still do today when I feel stressed. |
| Self, Being and Power, we will find the courage and | | | | The healing process is a long one. But the journey |
| strength to move forward again. | | | | through the process is awe-inspiring and necessary. |
| Personally, I abandoned my spiritual practices during | | | | Our world has changed, and so have we. These |
| the divorce. I was in such shock, that I simply did not | | | | small, new awareness's of new boundaries, new |
| have the energy or focus to do it. It took awhile to | | | | choices, is our rebirth! The new butterfly is emerging |
| get back to it, too. I felt the loss of the comfort of | | | | from the chrysalis. There are parts of us that will be |
| my spiritual community, but I needed something else: | | | | awakened for the very first time! |
| quiet. I didn't really want to talk to people and give | | | | Changes don't happen overnight, but they do happen |
| updates or even accept supportive hugs and | | | | every day, bit by bit. This new birth deserves to our |
| gestures of love. I just needed to be left alone. I | | | | presence and attention. It would be a disservice to fill |
| wanted to crawl into a corner somewhere on the | | | | our attentions with distractions during this enormously |
| other side of the planet and sleep. | | | | important time in our lives. The changes of puberty |
| The need to be alone is very normal, predictable and | | | | pale in comparison to the changes that go on after |
| healthy behavior. The extreme stressors of divorce | | | | divorce. Practice patience, and give great honor to |
| shake us to our core. It contributes to neurological | | | | this amazing new you! |