| Before becoming a long-haul trucker, I worked in the | | | | Kierkegaard himself is a skeptic because he is trying |
| television industry for twenty years. During that time, | | | | to show that human beings, by themselves, can |
| I considered myself an agnostic. I did not reject the | | | | know nothing; an assertion shared by Socrates. After |
| notion of God outright, but I was not convinced of | | | | developing that skepticism, he maintains that the only |
| His/Its existence either. Whatever the case were, it | | | | solution to this predicament lies in first recognizing it, |
| didn't seem to make much difference in my life. | | | | and then blindly and irrationally seeking a way out of |
| Although I was a self-proclaimed agnostic, I still | | | | it through faith alone. |
| prayed from time to time. I figured that, at best, I | | | | But doesn't this present the risk of losing truth? How |
| was talking to God-at worst, it was a personal | | | | does anyone know what to believe in? The truth is, |
| catharsis. It seemed like a win-win situation to me. In | | | | we can't know. According to Kierkegaard, man's |
| doing this, I suppose that I had, in some way, | | | | solutions lies solely in the decision to believe and to |
| avoided uprooting the seeds of spirituality. | | | | have faith. This presents the conundrum that some |
| An experience in Cross Timbers, Missouri with my | | | | people are inherently geared toward faith while |
| truck driving trainer and his family, along with the | | | | others are geared toward skepticism. As a skeptic, I |
| people of this small community may have been the | | | | claimed that I, at least, needed a tiny modicum of |
| first event to pour some water upon these seeds. A | | | | proof to base faith on. |
| life threatening injury to my trainer brought the | | | | Most of us are convinced that love exists because |
| people of this tiny rural town together in a way that | | | | we have had this knowledge revealed to us through |
| forced me to take a second look at my spiritual | | | | experience. But if asked to prove love, it becomes a |
| philosophy. The camaraderie, love, trust, and pure | | | | monumental challenge to prove an ineffable quality. |
| selflessness that I witnessed seemed alien to | | | | The Bible or the "holy" community doesn't help to |
| someone from the cutthroat world of broadcasting. I | | | | prove anything about faith and religion any more than |
| could not help having a distinct feeling that something | | | | a book of sonnets proves anything about love. The |
| else might be at play here. | | | | acceptance or rejection of any unknowable concept |
| In the days to come, I would view the majestic | | | | is based on personal experience and faith alone. As |
| beauty of a Wyoming sunrise, the rolling green hills of | | | | human beings, we are forced to take a leap of faith, |
| southern California, the jaw-dropping craggy peaks of | | | | whether it is into the realm of spirituality, or the |
| the Colorado Rockies, and the sharply eroded | | | | realm of skepticism. Skepticism attends the same risk |
| pinnacles and spires in South Dakota's Badlands, | | | | of losing truth as does spiritual faith. This, of course, |
| where you can look for miles and see no signs of | | | | is just my humble opinion. |
| civilization. It was difficult to view natural beauty such | | | | Even with my decision to take the leap into spiritual |
| as this without getting a sense of wonder and awe, | | | | faith, I do not claim to be "absolutely positive". I |
| and without getting a profound spiritual feeling-the | | | | believe that "absolute certainty" in regard to the |
| feeling of something greater than myself that | | | | unknowable requires an approach with a closed mind. |
| transcends human knowledge. | | | | Whether one has chosen the path of spiritual faith or |
| Trucking is a bit like the old adage of being in a | | | | skepticism, in order to maintain honesty, the words "I |
| foxhole which says, "There are no atheists in a | | | | believe" should take precedence over the words "I |
| foxhole." Likewise, there are darned few atheists | | | | know". |
| behind the wheel of a big rig. I wish I had a nickel for | | | | I believe there are many paths toward spirituality, |
| every time I've proclaimed my gratitude to a higher | | | | and that we each must find our own. My particular |
| power for either finding a parking spot in a crowded | | | | path turned out to be the highways and interstates |
| truck stop, avoiding a collision, or finally getting to go | | | | of America. I recall a humorous event on the road in |
| home after five or six grueling weeks on the road. | | | | which someone (or something) attempted to guide |
| I have no doubt that my time on the road has | | | | me toward a spiritual path. |
| afforded me the ability to forge a relationship with | | | | I stopped at a rest area on I-20 in Norris, Mississippi, |
| God, although my path to this relationship is a spiritual | | | | and when I entered the men's room, I saw a series |
| one rather than religious. I have never been a huge | | | | of pamphlets entitled "The Roman's Map to Heaven", |
| proponent of organized religion, and I probably never | | | | strategically placed on top of the urinals. I thought |
| will be. The repressive mindset of many sects of | | | | that this would, perhaps, serve as a metaphor and, |
| organized religion, the narrow-minded "our way is the | | | | not unlike a Holy pilgrimage to Mecca, I would be |
| only way" thinking, the corruption and hypocrisy, and | | | | enlightened with an epiphany upon completing my |
| the blatant disregard to sound rational foundations | | | | quest and flushing. So, when I flushed, it was with |
| and logical consistency in various dogmatic assertions | | | | great anticipation, but when the septic cycle had |
| leads me to reject the "holy" community. | | | | whirled to its conclusion, I remained standing in front |
| In saying this, however, I do not mean to suggest | | | | of a urinal just as unenlightened as before. Despite |
| that faith is an unnecessary component in the path | | | | my disappointment, I realized that I'd still had an |
| to spiritual growth. I used to wonder why God would | | | | epiphany of sorts. For I learned on this day that if I |
| not just rearrange the stars to spell out something | | | | were to ever, truly, discover a path to heaven, I |
| like, "Hello this is God... just wanted you to know." | | | | probably wasn't going to find the directions perched |
| But, I came to suppose that God would never do | | | | atop a urinal in Mississippi. |
| anything to prove his own existence because belief in | | | | Even in choosing a path toward spirituality, I do not |
| him must be based on faith alone. God, in essence, | | | | believe there is anything wrong with expressing |
| would be violating his own word if he created such | | | | doubt from time to time. Even my beloved |
| an improbable event pointing to his existence. And | | | | Grandfather expressed religious doubt on occasion, |
| therein lies the rub-the word "faith". | | | | even though he was a devout Catholic. I considered |
| "Faith" is the single word that has probably inspired | | | | this to provide more proof that he was a thinking |
| more religious and philosophical debates than any | | | | man rather than a bad Christian. |
| other. A skeptic might claim that taking a "leap of | | | | Despite my Grandfather's eighth-grade education, he |
| faith" into a spiritual belief attends the risk of losing | | | | was a master carpenter who designed and built |
| truth. However, I believe that skepticism attends the | | | | impressive houses, along with a lot of other things. |
| same risk. | | | | When I was old enough to see it, I realized one day |
| The philosopher, Kierkegaard, set forth the theory | | | | that my Grandfather, in his carpentry work, was |
| that human beings do not have the capacity to know | | | | performing algebraic calculations in his head. I knew |
| anything that is certain, and that only through some | | | | that he had never been near an algebra class in |
| sort of miraculous event can they ever acquire such | | | | school, so I asked him how he did it. |
| knowledge. That seems well and good for the | | | | "Oh, I don't know," he humbly replied. "I just think on |
| enlightened few, but what about those of us who | | | | it awhile." |
| have never experienced a "miracle"? | | | | I hope to strengthen my own spirituality as the years |
| Kierkegaard goes on to say that the miracle of | | | | pass, and I suppose that I'll just continue to "think on |
| "knowing" can be significant for a human being only if | | | | it awhile" as I travel along the highways of America. |
| he desires it to happen without being able to form | | | | Based on the relationship I have developed with God |
| any judgment about the advantages or | | | | to this point, my faith makes me think that's exactly |
| disadvantages of the transformation. In a way, | | | | what He'd want me to do. |